Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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