It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
