the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.