piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.