Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
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I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.