Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.