guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face