I love black thongs
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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