Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i will never coherently bang her
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i've created a new STD.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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