Can Purell be used as lube?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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