so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
