I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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