i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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