I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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