So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just blew my weed a kiss
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
