rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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