I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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