i think my tv is drunk
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she peed on how many people?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize