I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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