Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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