Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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