Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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