I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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