Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize