i think my tv is drunk
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
