i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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