at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
