I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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