what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
