I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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