I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
