Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
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he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
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You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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