apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.