oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND