I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
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Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?