there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?