he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
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What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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