i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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