I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
