So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
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If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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