also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
