Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
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just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
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It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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