6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
