At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
