we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
