Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
