Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud