just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
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I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.