oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties