I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination