i'm lost and i look like a hooker
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.