Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.