Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(706): View more from Georgia

If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.

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(706): If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america. http://tfl.nu/uk3q

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(937): View more from Ohio

i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot

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(937): i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot http://tfl.nu/0845

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(513): View more from Ohio

He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.

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(513): He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it. http://tfl.nu/a93z

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.

(901): View more from Tennessee

BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that

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(662): Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names. (901): BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that http://tfl.nu/oy20

Replies (26) Good night (1724) Bad night (3988)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.

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(604): He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face. http://tfl.nu/1cal

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(801): View more from Utah

What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?

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(801): What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's? http://tfl.nu/1yab

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(240): View more from Maryland

Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.

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(240): Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me. http://tfl.nu/zpby

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(818): View more from California

Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night

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(818): Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night http://tfl.nu/1iuj

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(949): View more from California

The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.

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(949): The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk. http://tfl.nu/ipq9

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(619): View more from California

Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"

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(619): Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?" http://tfl.nu/fe0d

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(516): View more from New York

How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?

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(516): How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted? http://tfl.nu/oqcu

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(303): View more from Colorado

We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool

(1-303): View more from Colorado

We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern

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(303): We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool (1-303): We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern http://tfl.nu/3irm

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship

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(910): I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship http://tfl.nu/4tn2

Replies (2) Good night (555) Bad night (159)
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(308): View more from Nebraska

Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!

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(308): Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable! http://tfl.nu/qvqx

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?

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(507): Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at? http://tfl.nu/qw84

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