Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?