I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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