if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
