Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
