I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
