and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize