Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
