how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
