I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
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No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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