Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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