Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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