Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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