So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
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BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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