You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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